


Go, but don't you ever leave me.

by Literary_Recluse



Category: Dragon Age (Video Games), Dragon Age - All Media Types, Dragon Age: Inquisition
Genre: Angst, Disgusted Noise, Fluff, M/M, Varric being a dad, and cole being cole, exploring Mahanons feelings on Dorians return to Tevinter, like the tiniest amount of angst
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-10
Updated: 2020-08-23
Packaged: 2021-03-05 22:40:42
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,236
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25823038
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Literary_Recluse/pseuds/Literary_Recluse
Summary: Just an exploration into Mahanon's feelings regarding Dorian going back home to Tevinter.
Relationships: Inquisitor/Dorian Pavus, Lavellan/Dorian Pavus, Male Inquisitor/Dorian Pavus, Male Lavellan/Dorian Pavus
Comments: 2
Kudos: 22





	1. Chapter 1

The wind howled through the trees, the sound carrying over the endless expanse of fields, droplets of water clung desperately to the blades of grass as they swayed. They’d been out here for seven days now and nothing, so much for the tip Leliana had received; Red Templar caravans had apparently been sighted in the Hinterlands - Well, unless the Templar’s had somehow mastered the ability to appear as nugs or rams the party would be returning to Skyhold empty handed. 

Mahanon shook his head, shifting his attention from the pair of nugs that had been racing around a large boulder for the last 10 minutes. Reclining back onto the fallen Log he had been perched on - the storm's latest victim - he huffed out a breath of air and turned his gaze to the clouds floating above him, urging his ears to block out the sound of Cassandra and Varric's incessant bickering. 

Varric smoothed a hand over the top of his head, a deep frown etched into his face “Look Seeker, nobody wants to rid the world of red lyrium more than I do but look at the facts. We’ve been out here a week and nothing, not a single sign of Templar’s.”  
“Maybe we are not looking hard enough. I do not believe Leliana would send us out here if she didn’t have confidence in her spies.” Cassandra scowled.  
“Spies can be wrong, it wouldn’t be the first time.”  
Cassandra swung her arm up from where it had been resting on her hip to point at the dwarf “We are not leaving, not yet, we have a job to do Varric. Maybe you are not familiar with the concept.”  
He jumped up from where had had sat, shaking now and red in the face “Now wait just a second, I -“

“Thoughts Racing. Suffocating. Sinking. Drowning. Can’t breath. Get. Out.” Cole spoke up suddenly, though neither of them had heard him approach, his hands fiddling wildly in front of him.  
Varric and Cassandra exchanged a look, forgetting their discussion.  
Varric crouched down next to the boy, extending an arm out to his shoulder “You okay there kid?”  
“Yes, of course” said the spirit, though he did not look up from his hands.  
Cassandra gave the dwarf a pointed look “Cole.. what you just said-”  
“Expectations crushing. Not enough. Never enough. He’s leaving. Why? What did I do? ”  
Varric exhaled sharply, “Ah. Dorian.” Rising to his feet, the dwarf turned his gaze to the elf in the distance.  
Cassandra stood puzzled, “Dorian?” She looked at Cole, searching his face and trying to meet his eyes “I don’t understand.”

The dwarf’s face wavered, biting his tongue ”He’s going back to Tevinter, didn’t tell Mahanon until he took this mission. It’s why he’s not here.”  
“I thought it was.. unusual.” Cassandra watched Mahanon in the distance, he hadn’t moved.  
Cole jumped up, pacing, his hands shaking at his sides “It’s not his fault. Why does he think it’s his fault?”  
Moving to comfort the spirit, Varric placed a hand on his shoulder “Emotions are…difficult, they’re.. not always rational, I don’t think he really blames himself, its - it’s just…difficult.”  
“He needs help.”  
“I will have a word with the Inquisitor” Cassandra said, already moving, she had only made two steps before Varric intercepted her.  
“No offence, Seeker, but feelings aren’t exactly you’re strong point.”  
She scoffed “Contrary to popular belief I do have feelings, Varric. But..” She looked at the elf again, even from there she could see the state he was in, he looked..wrong “..I suppose it would be better if you were to talk to him. He…looks up to you, for some reason.”  
The dwarf’s lips curled upwards at that “What can I say? I’m charming.” With that Varric got up, placing Bianca down next to his belongings and making his way over to the elf. 

Jolted out of his thoughts by a clap on his shoulder, Mahanon jolted up, turned to the dwarf now beside him and gave him a soft smile.  
“Varric, I didn't hear you approach, is everything okay?” He asked as he made room for his companion.  
“You tell me kid, Cole picked up on a couple things going through your head. You wanna talk about it?”  
Mahanon gave a huff and rubbed a hand over his face “not really.”  
“You should talk to him you know.”  
“I don’t know what I’d say. I don’t want him to stay, not if he wants to go back. It should’ve been obvious really the way he’s talked about Tevinter - ever since we met he’s spoken about his country with such love. I just.” Another huff of air “It’s stupid. I’m proud of him. I’m glad he wants to do this, I just didn’t think it’d be so soon. I know it’s selfish but.. I’ve never really connected with anyone like that before, he’s just so different and I don’t want it to be over but.. I don’t know.”  
Varric remained silent for a moment, keeping his eye trained on Mahanon, when a soft chuckle escaped him and he shook his head.  
“You know,” He spoke up when Mahanon tilted his head in confusion “Sometimes I forget you’re still just a kid. Everyday you’re out saving the world, the Herald of Andraste, our trusted Inquisitor. It’s easy to forget that you’re actually a person underneath all the fancy titles.”  
Now it was Mahanon’s turn to remain silent.  
The dwarf continued “Real life problems aren’t something I’m good at, that’s why I write, it’s easier when it’s all in your head. And romance? I mean-” a chuckle “-You’ve met Bianca. But you and Dorian, well. Even Seeker can see you’ve been a lot happier since Sparkler turned up. Just.. tell Dorian everything you just told me and I’m sure you two will be fine, he’s an understanding guy.”  
The elf surprised Varric with a hug before pulling back, his cheeks tinged with a bright pink “I-.. thank you..Varric. You’re better at real life than you think.”  
Standing up and nudging Mahanon to do the same the dwarf smiled warmly “Don’t thank me yet kiddo, wait ‘til you’ve actually spoken to him. Now c’mon, someone needs to rescue Cole from Cassandra, and you need rest - got a long day of searching ahead of us.”  
With a nod Mahanon raised himself off the log. He would talk to Dorian as soon as they got back to skyhold.


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Dorian and Mahanon finally talk.

Five weeks. Five weeks in the Hinterlands. The party had had enough. Irritated, cold, hungry and sick, sick of all the goddamn bears. But they were done, finally, it may have taken them over a month but they managed to track down those pesky Red Templars.

Mahanon stretched, rolling his neck and shoulders. Three hours in the war room, three hours recounting the past month or so, giving the most detailed report of his life to his advisors.  
How much longer. He was in desperate need of a wash and - ah yes, Dorian, he still needed to speak to Dorian.  
“Inquisitor?”  
Mahanon looked up, blinking his eyes a few times. What was happening? Oh, right, report.  
“Sorry, Josie, what-?  
Josephine’s face softened looking at the elf, his hair was a mess, his clothes ratty, and he was very clearly worn out “No worries, my friend. We have all we need, you’re free to go-”  
“Actually I-”  
“-Free to go, Commander, we can reconvene at a later time. For now, however, Mahanon has other business to attend to.” Josephine gave the elf a pointed look, one that, despite the meaning, he was grateful for.  
“Thank you, Josie” said the elf, hoping that despite his fatigue, his voice truly conveyed his gratitude. With that he said his farewells to the remaining advisors and took his leave.

Five weeks. Five weeks worth of wanting, wanting to see Dorian, to talk to him. And now he can, but now he doesn't know how, doesn’t know where to start - although, actually finding Dorian would be a good place to start.  
“Amatus.”  
His voice. Five weeks without him, and now his voice was enough to bring tears to Mahanon’s eyes.  
“Dorian.” Mahanon’s voice wavered, his eyes scanning his lover’s face, taking in all the details he’d missed over the past month.  
Dorian gathered the trembling elf up in his arms, pulling him close and burying his face in the smaller man’s hair “Kaffas, I missed you so much.”  
Mahanon burrowed further into Dorian, his face buried in his neck, words coming out muffled “I’m sorry, Vhenan. If I’d known it was gonna take that long I’d have asked you to come.”  
The mage sighed, pulling away from the elf but not letting go, his hands moving to cup either side of Mahanon’s face. He placed a soft kiss on his lover’s forehead and gave him a loving smile but shook his head. “You wouldn’t have-”  
“I-” Mahanon interrupted but Dorian quickly spoke again.  
“-You wouldn’t have. But that’s okay. I didn’t exactly help the situation, we needed time, you needed to process what I told you. And apparently, I needed five weeks to realise what an arse I’d been, springing that on you right before you left.”  
Mahanon shook his head, desperate to defend his boyfriend “No, Dorian, I-” he sighed, “I didn’t exactly handle it well, you were honest with me and I was childish.”  
Dorian took one of the elf’s hands in his own and brought it to his lips, “We will talk about this, amatus, I promise. But first, you need to get cleaned up. There’s a bath waiting, in your chambers. Wash first, and then we'll talk.”  
The elf smiled, leaning forward to rest his head against Dorian’s shoulder for a second before letting himself be led away “Thank you, Vhenan.”

The snow fell steadily outside, the sun peeking in through the window over the cliff tops.  
Dorian lay in front of the window, his limbs thrown over the chaise lounge, a book in his hand.  
Mahanon entered into his main chamber, his hair still dripping from his bath, a towel hanging loosely around his neck.  
“Absolutely atrocious, where do they come up with this?” Dorian sighed dramatically, gently placing the book down on the table beside him. He motioned for Mahanon to sit between his legs, reaching his hand out for the towel.  
The elf complied, then tutted with a shake of his head, a fond smile forming “And yet, you continue to read it.”  
“Well, the fact that it’s atrocious doesn’t detract from its charm, take your clothing, for example.”  
At that Mahanon swatted his hand behind him, lightly hitting Dorian’s side before leaning further into the man, allowing him to gently dry his hair. “Well, pretty soon you won’t have to deal with my ‘atrocious clothing’ anymore.” The elf regretted his words instantly, it wasn’t what he’d meant “Vhenan, I-”  
“No, it’s okay, it’s not….untrue, atleast.”  
“But I didn’t mean it like that, unkindly.”  
Dorian remained silent, focusing his attention on drying the rest of Mahanon’s hair. Once he had finished he hugged the elf from behind, pulling him close.  
They stayed like that for a few minutes, neither of them daring to break the silence, just enjoying each other’s company. Dorian took a deep breath.  
“I’m not...happy...about leaving. I want to, I feel like I need to, but I’m not happy about leaving you. I’ve seen you do amazing things, you’ve brought so many people together, proven so many people wrong. How could I not want to follow in your footsteps, to make my home a better place, a safer place. To make Thedas proud, all our friends here proud, to make you proud. I can’t stay here and let Tevinter fall any further, there are good people there, people who deserve better, to stay here and pretend that I’m..above them? I’d be a fraud, Amatus. And I know, I know this isn’t easy for you, and I wish there was a way for us to do it together, but it’s not safe for you and I can’t ask that of you.”  
Mahanon stood, turning to face the other man, to look him in the eyes.  
“You wouldn’t be asking, Dorian. Where we’re concerned, you’re never alone. I just, I was angry before. You spoke about your homeland, sure, we all knew the love you still held, still hold, for Tevinter, but you’d never mentioned going back. And then you did, and I didn’t know what to do.  
I understand why. But a part of me can’t help but feel you’re leaving me.”  
Dorian rose, taking his lover’s face in his hands he whispered “The inquisition. Skyhold. But not you. Never you. I love you, Amatus. Me leaving doesn’t change that.”  
Mahanon nodded, he was lost, but he was okay. “I love you too.”  
Dorian embraced the shorter man, his arms wrapping around the back of Mahanon’s shoulders, resting his head upon the elf’s.  
Mahanon pulled back, raising up on his toes to place a tender kiss upon Dorian’s lips.  
“Come,” said the elf, having pulled away to throw on a shirt, “Varric said they’re having a party at the tavern, a celebration.”  
“Well, we wouldn’t want to miss a good drink now, would we?” Dorian stole another quick kiss from the elf before allowing himself to be dragged out of the room.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I ended up with crazy bad writer's block and now I've got too many ideas running through my head and no clue how to execute them.  
> nevertheless, hope you enjoyed.  
> Feed back is ALWAYS appreciated.  
> Have a great day! :)

**Author's Note:**

> Feedback/Advice/Critiques always welcomed and appreciated.  
> Hope you enjoyed, Chapter 2 will involve the actual conversation between Dorian and Mahanon.  
> Have a great day! :)


End file.
